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I know all of us have had those days when you are incredibly stressed out.  Everyone you depend on has let you down, everything is due, no one has any patience, and everything collapses at once.

Your blood begins to boil and you start lashing out at your tormentors.  You become enraged, frustrated, tense, and more of the above.

You would like some sympathy.  You would like someone to jump in and bail you out and tell you that you did your best and handled it better than anyone else could.  The truth, though, is far from it.

It is all your fault.

Yup.  It is entirely your fault that you are so stressed out.  You did this to yourself, and now you are suffering the consequences.  Every bit of that stress was entirely avoidable, but you chose to not avoid it but instead plunged head first in.

Stress is merely a reaction to things happening around you.  In some cases, these things are entirely preventable.  You could have organized things better.  You could have handled the issue that you knew had the potential to blow up but chose not to.

Think about the things that are stressing you out at the particular time.  Is there something you could have done to avoid them?  Chances are there were.  You could have reviewed your work more thoroughly before sending it out.  You could have made sure a colleague knew exactly what he needed to do before depending on him for the result.  You could have made sure he was dependable in the first place.  You could have had a backup plan in case something failed – which you suspected it may.

Even when an event is unpredictable, the stress is still your fault.

Say for instance, you are minding your own business one day when you receive several phone calls. 

- The first phone call informs you that you are being sued by a buyer because a plane crashed on his house and you had told him the roof was strong – so the damage must be your fault. 

- The second call informs you that your grandmother has died and that the entire family is expecting you in Nome Alaska tomorrow to deliver the eulogy.

- The third call informs you that a dam broke near your home and all of your possessions have been washed away.

- The fourth call is from your doctor and informs you that you have cancer.

- As you finish the fourth call, the goes out in your building and your computer (which you had never backed up) catches fire.

These are all bad things and all of them (except backing up your computer) were out of your control.  You will likely be sad, be dismayed, and all of this is OK.  However, you do not necessarily need to be stressed out.

These are problems.  They can be solved, one piece at a time.  Being stressed about them, however, does nothing to solve them.  Rather than worrying about them, take a breath and think logically about what you can do to cope.  It is OK to cry.  It is OK to scream, but it is not OK to run like a chicken with your head cut off.

Let’s think logically. 

- First call.  OK, you are being sued.  Let your insurance lawyer take care of the details.  Chances are your insurance will just settle anyway.

- Second call.  This is very sad and it is OK to cry.  Nothing about the lawsuit will change in the next few days, so go ahead and buy the tickets.  Worry about writing the eulogy on the plane.

- Third call.  This is bad and upsetting, but the appropriate thing would be to contact the authorities to find out if you can visit the scene and get an idea about the true damage.  Chances are insurance will cover this too – so the real damage is in the things that can’t be replaced – but luckily no one was in the house.  You can take care of the details when you get back from Nome.

- Fourth call.  OK, this sucks.  Maybe the doctor has some time today to discuss the details.  Otherwise you can learn more about your options when you get back from Nome.

- Computer on fire.  Get a fire extinguisher and put the fire out.  You’ll need a new computer and have lost all of your data.  Accept that.  Get out of the office and go to your public library to order a new computer and tickets to Nome.  Think of the trip as a bit of an escape.  You’ll be with your family – who care about you deeply and will help you cope.

Obviously this is just one way of dealing with these issues, but the important thing is to deal with them.  They are unforeseen but regardless stressing about them is not going to make them go away.

So next time you feel stressed, just remember – you are the one causing the stress – not the problem.

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